I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize