he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
3pm strippers are depressing
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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