My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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