he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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