I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
