Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
