kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
