I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
