I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
