Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
