well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
