I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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