how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize