ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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