genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Randomize
