I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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