I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
