On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
