i think i have two assholes
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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