we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
