My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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