she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
