tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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