girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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