mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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