I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
