He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
