using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
