Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
