im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
