I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
