i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
