i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
