So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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