hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
