last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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