I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
