So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
