i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
