If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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