What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize