I want to walk on stilts...naked
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
