He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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