You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
