kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
