Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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