As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
