I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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