Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
