he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize