Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
