Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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