you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
