I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
