Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
