If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
