insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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