Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
