i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize