operation harelip BJ is a go
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
