I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
