I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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