My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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