Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
