One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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