Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
