The maid of honor just puked.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
