Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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