Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
