a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
