That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
