I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
