She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
