Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
