how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize