I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We just shotgunned beers for America
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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