Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
